My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
