I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
