i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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