those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
