I wanna passion pit in your ass
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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