Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
