True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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