ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
