I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
