I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
