the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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