I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
