I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
this hospital has no fireball
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
