Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We smell like vodka and hangover
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