People in love make me want to vomit
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize