You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
