so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
