I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
