Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the raccoons are back...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
