It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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