I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
