i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
