sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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