I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
