I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
