I cannot find my penis.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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