just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's like iHOP with fire
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
