just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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