did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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