He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
