I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
