You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
