so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize