you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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