dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
