what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
