just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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