I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize