all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
