I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
