This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
