I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
