We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
