His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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