Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize