He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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