I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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