Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
