I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
