I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
