dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize