So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
