Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
