Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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