remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
