I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
