She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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