3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
