Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
