I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
