I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
