So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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