I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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