My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
