sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
