I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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