Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize