Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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