Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
