Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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