He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
